Early Signs of Coercive Control in Relationships

Coercive control is a form of abuse in a relationship, be it romantic or otherwise, that forces the victim away from their support system and their life while encouraging them to become more dependent on their abuser. While coercive control presents more subtly than it sounds, there are some early signs in relationships that can be spotted like a red flag waving in an open field. Let’s discuss the early signs of coercive control in a relationship so you know what to be on the look out for. 

 

Key Takeaways

 

• Coercive control is a form of abuse that subtly manipulates victims into greater dependence on their abuser while isolating them from their support system.
• Threats are used to instill fear, such as threats of physical harm, exposure of personal information, or harm to loved ones, compelling the victim to comply.
• Insults and humiliation erode the victim’s self-esteem and confidence, making them more reliant on the abuser for validation and control.
• Constant monitoring of the victim’s activities, including tracking communications and physical movements, creates a sense of constant scrutiny and fear.
• For those affected, reaching out to a domestic violence lawyer can provide necessary legal and emotional support.

 

Threats

Abusers often use threats of physical harm, exposure of personal information, or harm to loved ones or pets to gain control in an abusive relationship. They may even threaten to hurt themselves, such as, “I’ll kill myself if you leave me.” In turn, the victim feels a need to be compliant, as well as fearful. No one wants to be the reason for someone else’s pain, after all. 

 

Other versions of threats that instill fear and dread include:

 

• “If you don’t change that, I’ll make you regret it.”
• “The next time you do that, I’m getting rid of the cat.” 
• “You’ll regret leaving me.”

 

Insults and Humiliation

Constant belittling, name-calling, and derogatory comments are used to undermine the victim’s self-esteem. This form of humiliation erodes the victim’s self-worth and confidence, making them more dependent on the abuser for validation. The insults and humilation often prey on parts of the victim that they are already unsure about and may be partnered with gaslighting. Such abuse may even make the victim believe that they are not worthy of love, unless it comes from their partner, who sees the good in them. 

 

Here are some examples of insults and humiliation:

 

• Calling you names that whittle down your self-esteem
• Making disparaging comments about your appearance
• Making mean jokes about you to friends and family
• Telling humiliating stories without your consent

 

Isolation

Abusers often cut off the victim’s access to friends, family, and social activities, severely limiting their interactions with the outside world. They may also monitor communications and control movements, creating a situation where the victim feels completely isolated from their support networks. This enforced isolation makes the victim increasingly dependent on the abuser for emotional and social needs, reinforcing the abuser’s control.

 

An extreme example of isolation is when the abuser does something to purposely keep the victim home, such as injuring themselves or somehow getting the victim fired. From there, the abuser succeeds in securing the car by offering to drive the victim wherever they need to go. Not only that, but the abuser may isolate the victim further by offering to take care of the finances until the victim gets back on their feet.

 

Coercion

Coercion involves pressuring the victim to act against their own will or desires, typically under the threat of punishment or the withdrawal of affection. This tactic forces the victim to comply with the abuser’s demands, eroding their sense of autonomy and personal agency. The victim may feel compelled to make choices that serve the abuser’s interests, compromising their own wants and needs.

 

Coercion can also be sexual in nature, as in feeling pressured, manipulated, or even tricked into certain uncomfortable sexual encounters. The abuser may make the victim feel obligated to provide sexual actions or threaten consequences when sex is not initiated, for example. 

 

Monitoring

Abusers engage in constant surveillance of the victim’s activities, including tracking phone calls, emails, and physical movements. This pervasive monitoring creates a feeling of being under constant scrutiny, leading to heightened fear and anxiety. It also further restricts the victim’s freedom and privacy, contributing to a sense of helplessness and loss of control.

 

Activity monitoring is often done by the use of technology, including the installation of cameras throughout the house (including private areas); checking browsing history on the internet; reading personal text messages and emails; and incorporating tracking technology on the phone or car when the victim is out and about. 

 

What to Do When You Notice These Early Signs of Coercive Control

Knowing the signs is only half of it; you need to know what to do, too. Freeing someone or yourself from coercive control can be difficult, especially when the victim has been diminished by their abuse. Often, the victim will have been removed from their support system, meaning that they may not know how to disengage from the abuse or gain a new perspective on their predicament. 

 

Loved ones of the victim should continue trying to make contact and speak with them. For the victim, it is recommended that they speak with someone outside of the relationship, whether that is a friend, family member, therapist, or legal representative. 

 

From there, victims should be put in contact with a professional agency to form an exit strategy that is considered safe and provides accommodations and financial stability. 

 

Resource Box

• National Domestic Violence Hotline:

  • Phone: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
  • Chat: Online Chat
  • Text: “START” to 88788

• Local Support Groups or Shelters in New Jersey:

  • To find local resources, you can visit:
    • The Hotline – Local Resources
    • National Network to End Domestic Violence

  • For immediate help, consider contacting:

    • New Jersey Coalition to End Domestic Violence
      • Phone: 609-584-8107
      • Website: NJCEADV

    • Additional resources include:

      • Jersey Battered Women’s Services (JBWS)
        • Phone: 973-267-4763

        • Services: Emergency shelter, counseling, legal advocacy
        • Website: https://jbws.org/

      • Women Aware

        • Phone: 732-249-4900
        • Services: Domestic violence services, shelter, legal advocacy
        • Website: https://womenaware.net/

• Legal Aid – Ziegler Law Group, LLC:

  • Specialty: Domestic Violence, Family Law, Divorce
  • Phone: 973-533-1100
  • Location: New Jersey, USA
  • Website: https://zieglerlawgroupllc.com/

Download –

• Overcoming Domestic Violence in NJ
• The Impact of Domestic Violence on Children
• Your Guide to Safety and Legal Protection: Domestic Violence Legal Services

 

Contact an NJ Domestic Violence Lawyer Today

Recognizing the early signs of coercive control is crucial in preventing its damaging effects. This subtle yet severe form of abuse manifests through threats, insults, isolation, coercion, and constant monitoring, all designed to undermine the victim’s independence and self-worth. Understanding these red flags can empower individuals to take action and seek help before the abuse escalates further.

 

If you or someone you know is experiencing these signs of coercive control, it’s essential to act promptly. Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist for support, and consider consulting with a domestic violence lawyer to explore your options. Ziegler Law Group, LLC is here to offer compassionate assistance in navigating these complex situations. Contact us today at 973-533-1100 for a confidential consultation and take the first step toward regaining your autonomy and safety.