Introduction: When Your Child Says “No” to Visitation
It’s a moment that leaves many parents stunned and unsure of what to do. Your child, maybe tearfully or with frustration, says:
“I don’t want to go see Dad.” or “I hate going to Mom’s house.”
If your child doesn’t want to visit their other parent, you’re likely caught in the middle—torn between respecting your child’s emotions and following a court-ordered parenting schedule. You may feel guilt, worry, or even panic: Am I breaking the law if I don’t force them? Could I lose custody?
In New Jersey, court-ordered parenting time is a legal obligation. But what happens when your child resists? Can they refuse? Should you force them? And when is it appropriate to get the courts involved?
This guide will walk you through your rights and responsibilities, what the law says, and how to approach this sensitive situation in a way that protects your child—and yourself.
Table: Valid vs. Non-Valid Reasons for Parenting Time Modification (New Jersey)
Valid Reasons | Not Valid Reasons |
|---|---|
| Documented allegations of abuse or neglect (physical, emotional, sexual) | Child “just doesn’t feel like going” |
| Consistent refusal by the child backed by mental health evaluations | One missed visit or isolated disagreement |
| Significant changes in the child’s emotional or physical health | Parent disapproves of the other parent’s lifestyle or parenting style |
| Parental substance abuse or criminal behavior | Child doesn’t like rules or discipline in the other parent’s home |
| Relocation that makes the current schedule impractical | Parent wants more time without showing a change in circumstances |
| Recommendations from a court-appointed guardian ad litem or therapist | Hearsay or unsupported claims without documentation |
| One parent is interfering with or alienating the child from the other parent | Child’s preference without supporting evidence or professional input |
✅ Notes:
- Courts in New Jersey apply the “best interests of the child” standard when evaluating modification requests.
- Judges require documentation—such as medical records, therapist recommendations, or police reports—for serious claims.
- A child’s preferences may be considered in some cases, especially for older teens, but they are never the sole factor.
Does Law require Parenting Time?
Parenting Time Orders Are Legally Enforceable
In New Jersey, if there’s a court-approved parenting plan or custody order, both parents are legally bound to follow it. Parenting time (also called visitation) is considered a right—not just for the parent, but for the child, who is entitled to a relationship with both parents, barring safety concerns.
Even if your child protests, you are expected to comply with the custody schedule. Not doing so could result in legal consequences like being held in contempt of court or facing a modification request from the other parent.
Who’s Responsible for Ensuring Visitation?
While no one expects you to physically drag a child kicking and screaming into a car, the court does expect that you:
- Encourage the child to go
- Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent
- Don’t enable or allow refusal without valid reasons
The court may view repeated missed visits—even due to child resistance—as custodial interference if you don’t take reasonable steps to support visitation.
Common Reasons Children Resist Visitation
Children don’t always have the vocabulary to explain what they’re feeling, but here are common reasons kids avoid parenting time:
Emotional Loyalty Conflicts
- They may feel “disloyal” to one parent by enjoying time with the other
- Older children may side with one parent during or after divorce
Household Differences
- Different rules, routines, or environments can make transitions stressful
- Discomfort with a new stepparent or blended family
Unresolved Conflict
- If the other parent was emotionally distant, strict, or has a history of yelling, the child may feel anxiety
Allegations of Neglect or Abuse
- If your child expresses fear, anger, or withdrawal related to the other parent, this may warrant court intervention
⚠️ If you believe your child’s refusal is due to abuse, neglect, or a serious emotional issue, document everything and contact your attorney immediately.
What Should You Do If Your Child Refuses to Visit?
Step 1: Encourage, Don’t Enable
- Speak positively about the other parent, even if it’s difficult
- Avoid blaming the other parent in front of your child
- Gently but firmly remind your child that court orders must be followed
Step 2: Document Everything
If refusal becomes a pattern:
- Note the date, child’s behavior, and your response
- Save any relevant messages between you and the other parent
- Keep a log of all missed visitations and the reasons provided
This documentation can protect you if the other parent claims you are interfering with custody.
Step 3: Talk to the Other Parent (If Possible)
- Use neutral, fact-based language like:
“Jordan refused to get in the car today and became very upset. I encouraged him but didn’t want to escalate things. Can we talk about what might help?” - Avoid accusatory or emotional messages
- Use email or co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard to keep communication documented
Step 4: Involve a Mental Health Professional
A therapist or child psychologist can:
- Help identify the root of the refusal
- Work with your child to process emotional conflict
- Provide professional insights the court may consider if modification is needed
Legal Risks of Denying Visitation
You May Be Accused of Custodial Interference
Even if your intentions are good, repeated visitation denials can be seen as:
- Violating a court order
- Alienating the child from the other parent
- Justifying a change in custody
What Happens in Court?
If the other parent files a motion:
- You may be asked to prove you didn’t cause the refusal
- The court will examine your efforts to comply and encourage visitation
- Judges may order make-up parenting time, mediation, or even modification of custody
When Should You Seek a Custody Modification?
There are circumstances where a child’s refusal may lead to revisiting the custody arrangement, especially if:
- The child has a legitimate fear or concern (e.g., verbal abuse, substance abuse)
- There is medical or mental health documentation supporting their claims
- A professional recommends limiting contact or modifying parenting time
In these cases, you may need to file for:
- Modification of parenting time
- Supervised visitation
- Emergency custody orders, if harm is imminent
📌 Related: Emergency Family Court Orders in NJ
The Ziegler Law Group Approach to Visitation and Custody Conflicts
At Ziegler Law Group, we know that custody disputes are never just legal—they’re emotional, personal, and deeply sensitive. We help New Jersey families navigate complex parenting time issues, including:
- Children refusing visitation
- Allegations of alienation or interference
- Requests for custody modification
- Coordinating with therapists and experts for court-relevant evaluations
Our attorneys take a strategic and compassionate approach that prioritizes your child’s well-being—and protects your rights.
Key Takeaways
| Common Question | Short Answer |
|---|---|
| Can my child legally refuse visitation? | No. Court orders must be followed unless formally modified. |
| What if I don’t force them to go? | You could be accused of interference or contempt of court. |
| What if my child is afraid or uncomfortable? | Document concerns and seek professional/legal guidance. |
| Can I change the custody order? | Yes, but only through a formal court request with supporting evidence. |
FAQs
- What age can a child refuse visitation in NJ?
- There is no fixed age. Courts may consider the child’s maturity, but a child cannot legally opt out without court approval.
- Will I get in trouble for missed visits?
- Possibly. Even if the refusal isn’t your fault, you must show good faith efforts to comply.
- Can therapy help my child want to visit again?
- Absolutely. A therapist can work through emotional issues and even support a healthier co-parenting dynamic.
- Can I stop visits if I suspect abuse?
- You may request an emergency custody modification, but don’t unilaterally violate the order without legal action.
Conclusion: Be Proactive, Not Passive
It’s heartbreaking when your child resists seeing their other parent—but navigating it alone can lead to costly legal mistakes. Courts expect cooperation, documentation, and action.
If you’re dealing with this emotional challenge, don’t wait until you’re in front of a judge. Let the experienced attorneys at Ziegler Law Group help you protect your child, your rights, and your peace of mind.
📞 Call us today at 973-533-1100
💬 Or Request a confidential consultation to get guidance that puts your child’s well-being first.
