Beyond Physical Abuse: Recognizing the Signs of Emotional Abuse

Did you know that more than 50% of people will experience some form of emotional abuse in their lifetime? It’s a startling figure. From traumatic childhoods to narcissistic relationships and gaslighting, there is no surfeit of abuse that triggers psychological effects. Unfortunately, some people know how to weaponize emotions to cause further harm, resulting in emotional abuse that continues on for days, months, or years. Luckily, while it may be difficult for those in an emotionally abusive relationship to recognize the signs, those on the outside can learn what to look for so that you can protect those you love. 

 

Comparison of Emotional and Physical Abuse

 

What is Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior that instills fear and controls another person. Like physical abuse, emotional abuse happens over time, sometimes building in severity. The victim may experience a distorted reality due to internalized negative impacts from the abuse. 

 

However, unlike physical abuse, there is no bodily harm done. The majority of the damage is mental, emotional, and psychological, leading to a victim who is demoralized and depressed. They may also show physical signs of anxiety and stress, including a racing heart, body aches, nightmares, difficulty concentrating, and confusion.

 

What are the Signs of Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse happens through demeaning, demoralizing, isolating, manipulating, and threatening the victim until they are controlled. Here are some common signs of emotional abuse:

 

• Monitoring an individual’s behavior, including how they spend their time and their money
• Isolating an individual from friends and family
• Threatening an individual’s family, property, or safety
• Ridicule and teasing
• Constant criticism
• Jealousy, accusations, and paranoia
• Humiliating and shaming
• Thwarting a person’s personal and professional goals
• Instilling emotions of worthlessness
• Gaslighting
• Making love and care conditional on an individual’s choices
• Refusing to allow someone to spend time alone

 

Category of Abuse	Specific Examples/Behaviors
Control/Monitoring	Monitoring spending, tracking time, controlling who they talk to, limiting access to resources (money, car, phone)
Isolation	Isolating from friends and family, preventing contact with support systems, creating distance between the victim and loved ones
Threats	Threatening harm to the victim, their family, pets, or property; threatening to take children away; threatening suicide if the victim leaves
Verbal Abuse	Constant criticism, name-calling, insults, put-downs, ridicule, belittling opinions and accomplishments, yelling, screaming
Jealousy/Paranoia	Unfounded accusations of infidelity, excessive jealousy of time spent with others, questioning every interaction with other people
Humiliation/Shaming	Public or private humiliation, making fun of the victim in front of others, shaming them for their appearance, beliefs, or background
Manipulation	Gaslighting (denying the victim’s reality or feelings), making love conditional, playing mind games, shifting blame, twisting words, using guilt trips, emotional blackmail
Undermining Goals	Sabotaging career or educational goals, discouraging personal growth, preventing the pursuit of hobbies or interests

 

What Tactics Do Emotionally Abusive People Use?

People who are emotionally abusive will use a number of tactics to get the results they want. When considering the signs listed above, you may be able to form an idea of how it will happen. Let’s provide you with some more concrete examples. 

 

Firstly, perpetrators of emotional abuse want to gain power over someone, so they will use things like shame and humiliating to coerce and control. The victim’s weight, appearance, clothing choices, and schedule may be consistently berated in an attempt to shame them into doing what the perpetraror wants. Furthermore, the victim may be called names and have baseless accusations tossed at them throughout the day to get them questioning their own sanity. This is part of another tactic emotionally abusive people use: gaslighting. 

 

When someone is gaslit, they are made to believe that their emotions are invalid or that their perception of something is false.  For example, an emotionally abuse person may make their victim believe that friends and family dislike them in an attempt to isolate the victim from their support group.

 

Do Emotional Abusers Become Violent?

Emotional and physical abuse may be separate but can also occur at the same time. That said, it has been found that emotional abuse may precede physical abuse, typically when the abuser’s tactics fail to completely control their victim’s behaviors.

 

However, even if the abuse does not become physical, that doesn’t mean that damage is not incurred. In fact, psychological damage can be just as terrible, if not worse, than physical abuse. Physical abuse is often cyclical in nature, with the abuse entering stages of fawning and pleasantness, which gives the abused time to heal. Emotional abuse, on the other hand, is constant. It does not stop. Furthermore, the victims of emotional abuse will often be silent about it, as they perceive their mistreatment as their fault or their failing. 

 

How to Leave an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

If you or someone you know is in an emotionally abusive relationship, leaving is not easy, but it is possible. In abusive relationships, whether physical or emotional, there are obstacles that the victim needs to clear before they get a chance at escape. Fears of retaliation, instability, denial, isolation, and a lack of support (often fueled by the emotional abuse) may keep a person trapped within the abuse for many months or years. It may also be dangerous to leave the situation, especially if the abuser is liable to do something dangerous. 

 

Instead, it is recommended that you call the local authorities or chat with the professionals at the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which can be reached by calling 800-799-7233. You can also speak with a lawyer who is experienced in handling domestic violence cases in New Jersey, such as those at Ziegler Law Group, LLC. Having a legal advocate on your side (or the side of your loved one) not only gives the victim support when most needed but also a voice in the court room, should a hearing be required. 

 

Resource Box

• National Domestic Violence Hotline:

  • Phone: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
  • Chat: Online Chat
  • Text: “START” to 88788

• Local Support Groups or Shelters in New Jersey:

  • To find local resources, you can visit:
    • The Hotline – Local Resources
    • National Network to End Domestic Violence

  • For immediate help, consider contacting:

    • New Jersey Coalition to End Domestic Violence
      • Phone: 609-584-8107
      • Website: NJCEADV

    • Additional resources include:

      • Jersey Battered Women’s Services (JBWS)
        • Phone: 973-267-4763

        • Services: Emergency shelter, counseling, legal advocacy
        • Website: https://jbws.org/

      • Women Aware

        • Phone: 732-249-4900
        • Services: Domestic violence services, shelter, legal advocacy
        • Website: https://womenaware.net/

• Legal Aid – Ziegler Law Group, LLC:

  • Specialty: Domestic Violence, Family Law, Divorce
  • Phone: 973-533-1100
  • Location: New Jersey, USA
  • Website: https://zieglerlawgroupllc.com/

Download –

• Overcoming Domestic Violence in NJ
• The Impact of Domestic Violence on Children
• Your Guide to Safety and Legal Protection: Domestic Violence Legal Services

 

Contact a New Jersey Family Law or Divorce Lawyer Today

Emotional abuse is a pervasive and damaging form of domestic violence that can have long-lasting effects on a victim’s mental and emotional health. Unlike physical abuse, the harm caused by emotional abuse is often invisible, making it difficult for victims to recognize and seek help. By understanding the signs and tactics of emotional abuse, those on the outside can offer support and help victims find a path to safety.

 

If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional abuse, don’t wait to seek help. Contact the professionals at Ziegler Law Group, LLC for compassionate and experienced legal support. Our team is dedicated to helping victims of emotional abuse regain their independence and safety. Call us today at 973-533-1100 for a confidential consultation, and take the first step toward a safer, healthier future.